How can I make it better…?

Well I wanted to name this post Friday but, not anymore since it’s one minute past midnight now lol (Such awesome timing).

For those who read the ‘School and Me’ post a few weeks ago, I’ve to admit that it wasn’t really something I’d want people to know. In actual fact, I’d probably don’t want to admit that any of it happened but at the same time, I have learnt a lot from it therefore I did not regret it. Its just that admitting it to people is what I find hard to do. 

Though after the whole incident, most of my other classmates in school started talking to me instead. I was very surprised because I’ve seriously expected people to leave me alone after all that has happened (that was what usually happened so I never really thought of anything to be different) but apparently half of the class has had it happened to them as well, just not to the degree of how it went for me. Apparently, the same girl has been tweeting whatever she thinks about them indirectly letting her classmates know every little petty thing that she thinks of them (knowing that they are following her) in a… well, it wasn’t nice. She has hurt most of the people in our class and after she does, she acts like everything is okay. It was in time before I was next. After what she has said ‘to me’ via twitter, I have blocked her. I thought it is better that I do not know of anything she has to say about me or others.

I have lost a friend to cancer. She has thought me a lot of things about friendship and a friend isn’t someone who would do such a thing. I did tell my classmate that I responded to the situation in the intention of a friend who thought what was best for her and the class but she regarded me as a stranger in her reply, therefore, I will grant her just what she wished for. I was hurt, but it is her own decision as well to decide what kind of friends she wish to have. For that, I will respect her decision. And I also do not need someone like that in my life, I came to study, to start anew, and so that’s exactly what I will do. I did not come this far, to slow down to something as petty as this. I was in a mindset that by hook or by crook, I will do my best in school. 

After the incident, I focused on my studies as much as I can. I’d have to say that I rarely feel anything when I’m around her anymore. I have been around so many people just like her that her presence no longer affects me. By her saying all that she has about me, am I to feel scared of her? intimidated? angry? sad? I thought about it before I came to such a state. I couldn’t come to any other conclusion that she was a character that needs someone to vent her anger to after knowing that all those tweet I’ve always wondered who were they’re for - were all for my own classmates. 

After trying so much to understand only to come with such a reply, I can care no more, I am to be indifferent. As how I was thought, there are just some people that you need to care for, from afar. If they don’t desire for your care, you must respect that. I have said no more. She has also told a classmate that we’re ‘communicating on a professional level’, and if that’s how she wants it, I am fine with it. I am not a person to avoid another for I don’t believe in forfeiting my routine or activities for another just for their presence so you can imagine what kind of situation it is whenever class is in session.

As for lately, she started talking to me. She started coming in conversations between my classmates and I. Everyone thought it to be awkward but we thought it’s just best to be polite. Though, I have been getting a little annoyed with her self-inviting into things and butting into conversations. Her classmates are scared to be in her presence and they begged for each other’s company for not to be alone with her. Whenever she assumes the worst of her classmates, they will be blamed and unfortunately, that does not come quietly from her. Despite that, everyone just takes it in and kept in what they have to say.

Why hurt people when you would want them to be around you? When she has obviously not apologized to any of her actions in hurting them, when she does not talk to them a bout it, resolve it - How are things to be better? How can I make things better? I am at a lost x_x I think about it too much by myself, I can go insane lol. I kept thinking of possibilities that maybe I am missing something from her side but I couldn’t come up with anything.

This topic came up in my head again today because she asked one of my classmates where she’s going after class, implying that she wanted to follow so in effect, the classmate gave a ‘help me!’ look so we decided to make a stop to eat before going back the opposite way of her way home. On the way to our stop, she asked both of us, “Why am I walking this way?”, to no avail, we came up with an answer for her so we awkwardly walk together to our stop, ate and stayed for two hours before she said she wanted to go back and decided to take the bus with my classmate while I for the train. Is this going to be the way it is until the end of our semester..? XD; I’m ok with it, but I’m just a bit sorry for my classmates whenever these situations happen. Why would she just up and say what she wants the way she wants and expects people not to feel anything? Is she only that way during our stress-weeks before submission..? (oh dear, I hope that wasn’t the case).

There was a time she refused the teacher by eye contact when the teacher suggested someone help another classmate down to get a cab because she was having difficulty breathing due to her asthma. The teacher was clearly suggesting it to her probably because she was the class-rep and she was the closest. The teacher, another classmate and I expressed our shock and told her that wasn’t nice after but she laughed it off. How am I suppose to feel for such a person..? Is this the type of class-rep we are to have this year?